Navigating US Dating Apps: When and How to Discuss Poppers Preferences
When it comes to dating in general and particularly when using online dating apps for hookups, communication is key. The better you communicate your needs, desires and boundaries, the more likely it is that you’ll find people compatible with you and have a positive experience together. This is precisely the approach to take when discussing poppers preference.
When to Discuss Poppers Preferences
For successful results using dating apps, it’s imperative that you be as upfront as possible and agree on the details of your arrangement before you get into it. Just like you’d want to be open and upfront about each other’s feelings about condoms, cannabis or sexual preferences (such as top and bottom, oral and anal, single-partner or multiple-partner sex), you need to broach the question of poppers before you start engaging in any sexual play together.
In fact, since poppers can lower inhibitions and make a person more likely to do things they may not ordinarily feel comfortable doing when they’re sober and in their “right mind”, it’s extremely valuable for both of you to discuss your other boundaries and desires before you start using poppers together. That way, you don’t get yourselves into a situation one or both of you may later regret. For example, if you put off discussing condom use until after you’re already under the influence of poppers, a person who is a strict adherence to condom use during sex may find themselves ignoring that preference in the heat of the moment. So be smart and communicate earlier.
In Chat, On the Phone or In Person?
Whether you want to broach the topic of poppers when you first start chatting with someone online or want to wait until you move your conversations to the telephone, or even if you want to wait until you meet a person face-to-face is up to you. It all depends upon your comfort level with this other person and with dating and communication in general. It can also depend on how important using poppers yourself or with your partner during sex may be to you.
Just keep in mind that the longer you wait to mention a potentially controversial subject like poppers, the harder it may be to bring it up and the more emotionally intense the conversation may be. That’s because the more you talk (or text) with another person, the more emotionally invested the two of you become in each other and with the prospect of having some sort of connection.
By the same token, however, the more time you spend with another person, be it via text, phone or face-to-face, the more rapport you build and, therefore, the easier you may find it to be to bring up sensitive subjects. Ultimately, it really depends on your comfort level. Just be aware that, if you wait until the two of you are already in bed and undressed before discussing poppers preference, there could be some unpleasant blowback.
Do it Before you are Having Fun
It’s obviously inadvisable to bring up poppers for the first time when you’re already naked and in the sack. Another time when it’s inadvisable to bring up the topic of poppers is when you or the other person are already under the influence of other mind-altering substances, be it alcohol, drugs or even poppers themselves. Please also do NOT mix poppers with other substances, mainly not with products like Viagra. You can find reliable information about mixed consumption here.
This is partly because communication is not always clearest when the mind isn’t clear, but it’s also because it’s easier to give a dishonest answer that goes against one’s normal, natural predilections when one’s defenses and inhibitions are down. Discussing poppers preference initially with someone who’s already inebriated can be construed as manipulative and even, in some cases, as taking advantage of the other person or the situation.
Incidentally, it’s also advisable to avoid mixing poppers with other intoxicating substances unless you both already know the effects such a combination has on you.
How to Discuss Poppers Preferences
Once you’ve decided when to discuss poppers preferences, the next question is how to do it. Generally, it’s best to include it in a larger conversation about sexual preferences overall. Discussing poppers preference can seem like a lot less intense of a conversation if it comes up while you’re already in open discussion about what each of you are into and, perhaps even more crucially, not into. This way, you can determine ahead of time whether you’re even compatible on certain critical elements like poppers, such as: are you both interested in using poppers together and how much experience with poppers do each of you possess? It’s also important to know, if only one of you is interested in using poppers during sex, whether that’s okay with the other partner who won’t be using them.
Put it in Your Bio
One way to avoid those potentially uncomfortable conversations is to include your preferences regarding poppers in your bio. Admittedly, not everyone reads bios on dating apps, but some people do, and those who read that you’re interested in using poppers with sex can make the decision to contact or reply to you or block you from the outset; either way, you do yourself a favor by putting it out there from the get-go. Just don’t assume someone has read that in your bio; make sure you actually mention it too before you get yourself into any sexual situation.
Many dating apps even let you include certain interests and preferences as searchable keywords, which would allow other people with the same interests and preferences to more easily find you and those who want nothing to do with poppers to rule you out from their search results.
No Pressure
No matter when or how you go about discussing poppers preference, one thing that’s essential is to avoid putting any pressure whatsoever on the other person. From the moment you present the question, make sure you do it in a way that lets the other person feel comfortable answering honestly no matter what that answer may be and how much you may or may not like it.
A person is much less likely to be honest with you if they feel pressured, and that can only be detrimental to any future relationship whatever their feelings about poppers may be. No one likes to feel pressured, and some people may cut off the relationship immediately if they feel any pressure from you, even if your poppers preferences are aligned.
Even worse, perhaps, is if someone does something they’re not comfortable with because they feel pressured by you to do it. Let the other person know that it’s okay with you whatever their answer is, even if it’s one that causes you to end the relationship or cut off contact. Let the person know that you respect them no matter what. That way, if you do decide to move forward together, you both at least know that you’re doing it consensually and with both eyes open.
Be sure your partner knows, whether they’ve never used poppers before or have ample experience using poppers for sex, that they are free to stop using them or even end the sexual encounter at any time. Feeling safe about ceasing poppers use or ending sex-play altogether helps tremendously in feeling safe about starting poppers use and commencing sex-play in the first place.
Be Ready to Educate
You may come across a situation in which your prospective partner has never used poppers before but expresses an interest in exploring them. At these times, it can be invaluable to arm yourself with information that can help them to make a more informed decision for themselves. Here’s some of the basic information about poppers you can have on hand to help those curious about experimenting with them to have a greater understanding.
Poppers typically come as a clear or yellow-tinted liquid in a small, sealed bottle. You use them by opening the bottle and briefly inhaling the fumes they emit. The effects of poppers tend to be quick or almost immediate and short-lived. Sensations associated with poppers use include euphoria, warmth and increased sexual arousal. Poppers can also relax the muscles, including those of the sphincter, making penetration easier, more comfortable and less painful. They can also lower inhibitions, making the user feel more comfortable engaging in sexual activities they might otherwise resist or shy away from. They can heighten tactile sensitivity, increase the sense of intimacy and make orgasms more intense.
On the flip side, there are safety considerations and risks of poppers use to be aware of. For example, they can cause headaches, dizziness, nausea or changes in blood pressure. Fortunately, unless a person already has a medical concern or a history of these symptoms, they’re usually mild and short-lived. Read more about risks and side effects of poppers in our Blog.
If a partner has never used poppers before, their best bet is to start low and slow. In other words, they should inhale only lightly, see how poppers make them feel and leave plenty of time between doses to avoid taking in too much at once.
Not everyone you meet on dating apps is going to have the same feelings, desires, experience or boundaries regarding poppers as you do, and that’s fine. You simply need to share that information with each other ahead of your encounter so that each of you gets your needs met and neither of you feels uncomfortable or put upon to do anything you don’t want to do, even if that means you both decide not to do anything together after all.
Five top dating apps for those interested in poppers
If you’re looking to enjoy poppers with a partner and don’t know where to look, try these top dating apps.
- Target audience:
Primarily gay, bi, trans, and queer men. - Who you’ll find:
A diverse range of LGBTQ+ individuals, particularly gay and bisexual men of various ages, body types, and interests. - Poppers interest compatibility:
4/5 Grindr is known for its hookup culture and often includes users who are interested in various recreational substances as part of their sexual encounters.
In addition to dating and online relationships, Scruff is also used for messaging and online chatting, location sharing and local events, screen capture and photo and video sharing. While Scruff originally started out primarily as a hookup app for hairy men, it’s evolved more into a social media app for all different sorts of gay men. On Scruff, you can “woof” other users you’re interested in and find nearby hookups using the Nearby tab and compatible hookups using the Discover tab.
- Target audience:
Gay, bi, and curious men, particularly those who embrace or appreciate facial/body hair and the bear/cub/otter subcultures. - Who you’ll find:
Generally an older demographic than Grindr, with many users in their 30s-50s, often more relationship-oriented but still with a strong hookup component. - Poppers interest compatibility:
3/5 While less overtly focused on immediate hookups than Grindr, Scruff still has a significant community familiar with and interested in poppers.
Recon is a particularly good place to find men interested in enjoying poppers together because it bills itself as a dating app for men interested in fetishes and kink. For example, you can also find men on Recon interested in fisting, bondage, chastity suits, watersports, feet worship and more. As such, user profiles on Recon tend to contain more nude images and graphic descriptions in bios. Recon is also great for finding parties and events especially in the kink and fetish communities around the world.
- Target audience:
Gay and bisexual men interested in fetish and kink communities. - Who you’ll find:
Users specifically interested in leather, BDSM, fetish gear, and kinky encounters. - Poppers interest compatibility:
5/5 As a fetish-focused platform, Recon has the highest concentration of users familiar with and interested in poppers as part of their sexual practices.
In contrast to Recon, Romeo, also known as GayRomeo or PlanetRomeo, is more focused on dating than sex. Romeo also has a more European user base than some of the other dating apps, especially in Germany and Northern Europe. It’s a great gay dating app for travelers looking to find travel tips and suggestions of places for local dates, parties, events and meetups.
- Target audience:
Gay, bisexual, and transgender individuals, particularly popular in Europe. - Who you’ll find:
More diverse international user base, especially strong in Germany and other European countries. - Poppers interest compatibility:
3/5 Romeo offers a blend of dating and hookup culture, with moderate openness to discussions about poppers and similar interests.
Whereas most of the other apps listed here focus primarily on gay men and somewhat on bisexual and trans men, Taimi has a more inclusive focus that includes all orientations and identities in the LGBTQ+ community, such as gender-fluid and non-binary individuals as well as lesbians. Some of the benefits it offers along these lines include expanded pronoun options, multiple sexualities and unified sexuality lists. In addition to contacting individual users for chats, you can also post on Taimi’s social feed, stream live videos and post video stories.
- Target audience:
The broader LGBTQ+ community, including lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer individuals. - Who you’ll find:
A younger demographic seeking both friendships and relationships, more inclusive of the entire LGBTQ+ spectrum. - Poppers interest compatibility:
2/5 As a more relationship and community-focused platform with less emphasis on immediate hookups, Taimi has fewer users specifically interested in poppers.
All of these apps offer in-app purchases for premium services, but you can start a free profile on each one to explore its basic features and see if it may be right for you. Just remember to discuss your interest in poppers with anyone you may be interested in meeting in person and never to assume that just because someone is also on the same app that they’re interested in poppers too.