- Andreas Hungerbühler
- 29. August 2025
Bator Balm and Bating Pride: An Interview with Bator Balm’s Alex de la Cruz
Created by Alex de la Cruz, a designer turned innovator, Bator Balm was born from the bator community itself: a product designed to elevate edging, reduce shame, and give men a sense of pride in their rituals. Alex speaks openly about his own journey, from overcoming masturbation shame to creating Sausage Fest, a biannual gathering that celebrates bators worldwide.
I had the chance to sit down with Alex and ask him about the origins of Bator Balm, how he sees the community evolving, and where he hopes to take this movement next.
Origin of Bator Balm
Q: What finally pushed you to make Bator Balm a reality?
Alex: I was becoming unhappy at my day job of 14 years. I had the idea for years before and fantasized about launching it to replace my job. But who am I to sell another lube in the sea of lubes in the market, I thought to myself. After meeting my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, he gave me the encouragement and motivation I needed to explore it. Then it became clearer that nobody was speaking directly to bators, and there was an opportunity to address this void.
Q: When you designed it, what was the main need for bators that you wanted to focus on?
A: Having a product design and packaging background, I had to address key problems with Albo as a Bator. It wasn’t designed for us. An issue with Albo was needing to hide it from friends and family, so I wouldn’t have to explain it. So the design had to be approachable, understated, but elevated. Because masturbation is important and deserves to be treated as such, I wanted it to be something you can be proud of.
Q: You have called Bator Balm a way to “elevate the experience.” What is one design choice you are most proud of?
A: I’d say I’m most proud of the branding choice. The design was inspired by the Hendricks Gin bottle. I love the old-world feel and masculine aesthetic since bating is as old as time.
Q: The cedarwood-and-copal scent is now part of many bator rituals. Did you experiment with other scents before choosing this one?
A: I did experiment with different scents during its release. I knew I needed something masculine, grounded, and not obtrusive, but also sensual. I’ve always loved the smell of fresh-cut wood, and cedar checked all those qualities. So the first few batches had just a cedar scent. While it was nice, I felt it needed some depth and to reduce its strength. So I tried balancing it with something bright like a cucumber. The response was not good. Then I discovered copal tree resin incense during a trip in Oaxaca, Mexico, at the hotel lobby. It was intoxicating. I was told it was used in rituals to aid in meditation and heighten the spiritual experience. Edging is meditation, and copal would help like aroma therapy. I played with the cedar and copal proportions, and thus the Bator Balm signature scent was born. Scent is very subjective, and I’m surprised that 70% of all balm purchases are scented. It was so popular that a candle was developed.
Q: If you had to sum up the difference between Bator Balm and Albolene for a new bator in just three words, what would they be?
A: If you’re an Albo user and a leaker, you’ve experienced the churning of Albo and pre into dry curds that interrupts your meditation. Having to wipe everything off and reapply is the last thing you wanna do. The magic of Bator Balm is that it mixes so well with pre, therefore you can keep going and you use less. And it wipes off much cleaner and easier. Quality over quantity. If you care about those things as you level up your bate game, I believe Bator Balm will take you there. It’s a beginning-to-end elevated experience.
Being a Bator for Bators
Q: You have seen the bator scene evolve. What is one trend right now that really excites you?
A: I’m excited about the mainstreaming of our lifestyle. Bator jargon is spreading to more straight men. Terms like “gooner” and “edging” are being used. Some in a negative connotation, but I want Bator Balm to help reverse that and drive it towards a positive, beneficial, & practical self-help vibe.
Q: As someone who built a product from inside the community, what is a piece of feedback from another bator that shaped the balm?
A: Definitely the consistency and scent. I had to make it less thick and reduce the scent strength so it’s not overpowering and is just enough to heighten your experience.
Q: In your view, what does “bator pride” look like day-to-day?
A: To me, bator pride means being able to mention it in casual conversations like brushing your teeth. It doesn’t have to be loud, but it has to be an accepted and normalized way of life.
Q: You have connected with bators across all orientations. What is one thing outsiders don’t understand?
A: I think outsiders think bators are boring. The mainstream gay is focused on penetration. Which is fantastic, but not everyone enjoys that. Bators belong under the term “side,” coined by sex therapist Dr. Joe Kort. It describes gay men who are not interested in anal penetration but are fulfilled by a variety of other sexual acts. I’m so happy it’s now an accepted “role” in the dating apps, thanks to the Bator movers and shakers out there.
Masturbation Shame & Self-Acceptance
“Masturbation is important and deserves to be treated as such. I wanted it to be something you can be proud of.”
Q: Many of us have carried masturbation shame. What was your turning point in starting to unlearn it?
A: I think meeting other bators and seeing the subculture develop over the years, especially on bateworld.com. The site was instrumental to me. It showed me that I wasn’t alone, and I can share my experience more freely. My husband, though not a Bator, is so accepting and reassuring with me. While I still struggle, his support and love mean the world to me.
Alex (left) and his husband at a Bator Balm booth.
Photo: courtesy of Alex.
Q: Do you think the stigma around masturbation is fading, or does it still feel strong today?
A: I think we have a long way to go. But it’s definitely improved, I think. I remember the HBO show “Real Sex” in the 90s, a straight man would describe “playing with yourself” as something he proudly doesn’t do. I think some of that is gone now in mainstream media. It’s still out there, though. We introduced Bator Balm to a straight crowd at the AVN, an adult convention in Vegas. Some were puzzled at our concept; they would say, “I get pussy” so I don’t need that. We’d roll our eyes and say, “But you’re at a porn convention, welcome!” Though the majority were accepting, some were excited. Women would come up smiling. They walk around seeing plenty of female-focused companies, and it’s refreshing to them to see something for the men. A wife bought the Tool Kit as a birthday gift for her hubby. And I’m sure they both had a great time with it.
Poppers & the Bator Mindset
“It’s magical when I’m fully gooned out with a fellow monkeybator… mindless penis babble ensues, we’re both just drooling over dumb, bloated, greedy penises.”
Q: As a proud popper bator, how do you like to work poppers into a long edging session?
A: I like to refrain for at least 30-60 minutes. I like to get acclimated slowly to set it up for a long session. I usually start with open bottles that have lost some freshness. And when my mind is fully in the goon groove, a state when a fresh bottle huff, it would be most impactful to me. Pot takes it to another level.
Q: If you had to pair Bator Balm with one poppers blend for the ultimate goon, which would you choose, and why?
A: Real amyl is really good. It’s only available in Europe. But lately I’m more interested in the freshness of most blends. I don’t like it too strong of a punch that it takes so much out of me after a huff that I’m exhausted, and I lose my boner. But that’s me.
Q: For you, what is the sweet spot where poppers and edging work best together?
A: It’s magical when I’m fully gooned out with a fellow monkeybator at the same exact state of mind. Where there isn’t a rush to cum, but enjoy the exchange of animalistic feral energy. It’s when I’m completely free of judgment and inhibition, and just focused on the intense need to worship and pleasure the penis. Mindless penis babble ensues, and it intensifies to the point that we’re both just drooling over dumb, bloated, greedy penises.
Q: Do you have a poppers and balm ritual that you think more bators should try at least once?
A: I think everyone’s got their own path on their poppercock journey. But I do like to periodically sniff the Bator Balm scent on my Bator hand to bring me higher up in the goon mind. I also smear some Bator Balm on my nostrils to help protect them from the burns lol.
Q: The poppers scene has seen shake-ups lately (like the DS raid and VHC disappearing). How do you see that affecting our community?
A: It’s unfortunate what has happened. Though poppers are still accessible. I don’t have insider info, but I think the government went after a specific formula.
Q: If you could speak directly to lawmakers about poppers, what would you say?
A: Some of you use it, I’m sure. It doesn’t hurt anyone with proper use, like pot or alcohol. We’ve learned that prohibition didn’t work. So please leave it alone. Here’s some Bator Balm. Thank you, and enjoy.
Giving Back & Building Community
Q: Beyond making great balm, if you could launch any new collab or event to support bators’ well-being or sexual health, what would it be?
A: I already work with organizations that share my enthusiasm equally, like you guys at Oxymoron. That’s collaboration. It’s not enjoyable or mutually beneficial if they’re not as excited. I appreciate working with several jacks clubs around the world. It’s our way of supporting our brothers and getting exposure at the same time. We also host a biannual Bator event called Sausage Fest in Las Vegas. It’s a great excuse for an attainable batecation that we all deserve. I used to travel for work and I’d try to find a batedate usually to no avail. I thought, what if you’re in a hotel room and it’s taken over by a bunch of bators who are there for the same thing. That’s Sausage Fest. You get to mingle with 100+ bators who are all horny and can host. What could happen?
Looking Ahead
Q: What is next for you and for Bator Balm?
A: I’m currently in the middle of developing a strategy to penetrate the straight crowd more effectively. Because they also deserve Bator Balm. I’m nervous, but we’ll see how it turns out.
My conversation with Alex shows just how powerful community-driven innovation can be. Bator Balm is not just a lubricant; it is a symbol of recognition, self-care, and pride. By listening to the needs of bators, Alex created something that turns a personal act into a respected ritual.
From design choices inspired by Hendrick’s Gin to scents rooted in ancient meditation, every detail of Bator Balm reflects the idea that masturbation deserves dignity and pleasure in equal measure. And through events like Sausage Fest, Alex proves that this community is not only alive and well but growing stronger every year.
As a company, we are excited to share his story, and are proud to support the bators who continue to inspire products and conversations that connect us in more ways than one.
Find Bator Balm here:
https://poppers-now.com/product/bator-balm-masturbation-creme
Follow Bator Balm on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/batorbalm
and on X:
https://x.com/batorbalm